Go, Square Go.
Who would win in a fight? Lenny or Nicholas?
How did this slip underneath the ‘Wulliedar’?. Wullie McStay wandered back into his old role this week as Head Of The Development Squad and saw his charges beat Dundee 4-0.
The game saw Rasputin score 2, McGowan get 1 and The Derry Diego get the other. McStay said afterwards that "he was there for Neil if he needed him". Better than John Park being there for Neil but it sounds all very Friends or Toy Story. You’ll always have a friend in Woody.
The looking out of the funeral suit may have to be put off as Alan Pardew has decided not to comment on speculation linking him with a job way above his talent.
"It has been brought to my attention that my name is in one of the papers but I have no comment to make." he mustered making comment on the thing that he wasn’t going to make comment on, causing more press due to his non-comment, while updating is Monster CV to included: 15th April 2010- Linked with Celtic Job.
In a fit of cruelty not seen since Gordon Brown was wheeled out to take part in a TV debate, the SPL have arranged us to play 5 more fixtures this season. They start tomorrow with a game that see’s an inform team, if you take away the turgid performances and defeat to a set of step ladders, and out of form team that are dropping quicker than their star-man’s wages.
"I have been fit for most of the year and I just haven’t been getting picked" shouted Paddy McCourt, in-between wheezes and coughs that an unfit nag like himself emits due to smoking 20 Benson and Hedges a day behind the Lennoxtown bike sheds.
The Derry Diego could have played himself into contention with his goal against Dundee as his appearance last week against Ross County was just as bemusing as him being left out if he was fit. With Nancy Kamara suffering from Loanee Apathy that has also afflicted Edson Braafheid- though Braafheid going missing is not a worry as he is worse than Lee Naylor – we may see what we paid some Danes £1.5m for some slightly fatty bacon.
Taking a break from talking to a Geordie about his Lexus, Niall McGinn, was recovering from the surprise that he started against Motherwell and before the greyhound like Paddy McCourt.
"If we win tomorrow it will be the first time all season that we have won 4 in a row." he boasted but if he had kept up to date his Not The Wee Green Book then he would see it would be the first time since 2008 that this feat has been achieved.
In your face, the Caldwell, McManus, Robson, McDonald and Strachan Revisionists! We have been shit for 18 months, don’t forget that when your glancing at Middlesbrough’s results on Soccer Saturday during your stay away protest after watching the Manchester Derby.
I’m sure Lennon probably said the same thing in-between bitch slapping Charlie Nicholas. "I’ve been here 10 years, 10 years right; I’ve never seen Charlie Nicholas walk in through that door. " repeating the 10 years bit twice to highlight a missing testimonial.
"So, what Charlie knows about this club, I don’t know. And I’m really annoyed that I have to give somebody like Charlie – who does nothing but bang away at Scottish Football, bang away at Celtic – any press time at all. It irks me" ranted the Ginger Janitor forgetting that Nicholas was spot on about Kyle Lafferty but there is a first for everything.
Sometime, somewhere, John Hughes was probably attempting to speak English to some press while Lennon was muttering darkly about the missing thousands and how to get them back: " getting results and entertaining people " was his answer while forgetting that if he produces that- something not seen for at CP for a few season- he may just get the job for good.
See you on the other side.
Thursday 15th March
"Stop having a canary. I’m not having a canary. Well, your having a budgie."
Older chappies will remember the episode of the Likely Lads when Terry and Bob, both played superbly by James Bolan and Rodney Bewes, tried desperately not to find out the result for an England game as they planned to watch the highlights later on.
Well I tried that experiment the other night. It failed.
I suppose it was easier in the day without text messaging, constant internet access or a next door neighbour who stops you on the way in to say that it’s 1-1 with 15 to go.
You see, I was recording the game to watch it later. I struggle to make midweek games and decided that I would just do my normal thing – finish work, go and play 5′s – then watch it later on. Easy, just put a CD in the car, new Twilight Sad album, not listen to the radio or look at my mobile.
Next door neighbour spoke to me as I came home. "Not at the game?, your not missing much 1-1 each at the moment and there is no-one there." was his opening gambit. By the time the conversation had finished my phone had beeped with the message: "He is still pish" to enlighten me that Josh Thompson has scored what turned out to be the winner.
I listened to the post match hoedown on Radio Hootsmon. "I think we deserved a point at least." Worthered Original’d Granpa Broon before adding, worryingly for me "I think it tells a story when their goalkeeper gets the man-of-the-match award."
The Twitterati were then scanned for their in-game tweets. "2-1 to the pish in green and white" was one, with Scott Brown getting abuse and one thanking Cool Hand Luka. The other cyber reference points were also as cynical. The BBC in match text was as lacking of substance and exciting as a Tory manifesto.
It seemed it was as pointless and dross as we expected and we have another 5 games to suffer. My finger hovered over the delete button with the thought of more disc space for Mrs LoTW to fill with episodes of Glee.
It wasn’t pressed but it hasn’t been viewed. Yet.
"I got the result I wanted. It was a hard fought game." said the Ginger Janitor afterwards. On coming back from a goal down, the only positive we can take from the exercise, "I was looking for a reaction – they could have gone under, but they didn’t. That was the pleasing aspect of tonight, but we have lots to work on." he said marking 3 wins league wins in a row in his stat book and damning Saturdays result as if that had been won we would be talking about a Lenny bounce and him thinking that he was the captain of the Titanic except he was turning the bloated mass of excess around.
With the likes of Alan Pardew being recommended to the PLC – the thought of him makes roaming the countryside, drinking White Lightening on Saturdays seem like a grand option – or that they are looking maybe to enforce a handpicked director of football on Lenny – WTF, are they sacking John Park?- makes you wonder 1) who the fuck recommends Alan Pardew for anything – was Joe Kinnear not available?- and 2) are they really such baboons arses that they don’t see that their meddling has got us in this mess in the first place.
They are really like MP’s who use Twitter.
David Moyes (he has been scored off the bucket list below) has ruled himself out the running saying "it’s probably to do with Scottish Football in general and the product that is being given" and confirming that guys like Pardew can be touted for top jobs up here without anyone dying from the fit of laughter they should be taking at the very thought.
Did you see his get up at that Paint Trophy final? A suit jacket and a training t-shirt. Call Gok Wan to exterminate him. He also gave Peter Grant a job.
I do have telephone number for a rest home in Switzerland if anyone, I’m looking at our PLC here, wants it to book a wee weekend away.
You won’t need a return ticket.
YIC
Tuesday 13th March
I really can’t make it because of work and family commitments….
It didn’t take long for the counterfeit Celts to offer up to the press the usual ‘we are to blame’ bleating and the ‘we must and we will do better’ summarisations that, surely, will follow them out the door and not wash with a support, who according to the Ginger Janitor, that ‘ you can’t pull the wool over’.
Maybe that’s true but sometimes we get seduced by fanciful notions and carefully planted claims in those papers we all claim not to read.
First over the trenches was our current captain that makes our last club captain look fantastic, Scott Brown, or Skoosh to his mates, moaned: "We have to be strong enough characters to get on the ball and play football. But we didn’t do that." while looking around for a strong character to take the weight of the armband off him and Mick was checking prices of the Megabus from Middlesbrough to Glasgow.
"Sometimes the touch isn’t there, so you have to dig deep, battle and fit for the ball." he continued as a quick check of his diary, notes that the last time his touch was there was Easter Road 2006 and it’s not scheduled to be seen again until 2011 in the DW Stadium controlling a Gary Caldwell hoof.
Josh Thompson then moved quicker than he has all season, if only he had moved as quick on Saturday he wouldn’t have had to utter the words "That defeat was horrible. The fans deserved more and we let the manager down. I can’t put my finger on it; it seemed like they were winning all the second balls and we didn’t play as well as we can."
I’m sure the Job Centre Adviser will put her finger on that job marked labourer for you in a few years, Josh.
Despite the SFA deciding that one match ban was in order for his elbow in the Scottish Cup tie with Kilmarnock, Morten Rassmussen, took stock of the damning words uttered – in the wake of the semi final defeat – about Sammy and Fortune to suck up to the boss.
"Yes, I think he’s great, I like him as a coach but it’s not my decision" he said getting Lennon an apple from his school bag and asking if he could get a game against Motherwell.
Ach, Motherwell. The main aim of tonight’s – surely bore-fest, played in a surreal atmosphere that will see the introduction of the Boo Deflector, which has been installed at the front of the directors box in the main stand – is to ensure that Grandpa Broon doesn’t get considered as a serious candidate as some are suggesting.
Would rather drink battery acid and fight those down and outs who have taken part in medical experiments on a Saturday afternoon than watch him and his bunch of boring farts.
Not that Lenny thinks that others will be considered. "Yes. Absolutely." was his reply when asked if he felt he was still in the running for the job.
"Do I still back myself for the job? Yeah. And I want the role even more now. Yes, we’ve spoken about what I would do if I got the job. I know what I would do and who I would keep. Whatever happens to me, I will recommend changes. You can’t go on with that." he spoke with a stiff upper lip but with a look of a man that has seen death and aged 30 years in 48 hours.
On his talk with Desmond he revealed "it’s fair to say Dermot wasn’t happy", which comes as no surprise.
Lennon’s bucket list contains loanees, vagabonds, chancers and losers. I’ve seen more backbone in a KFC boneless bucket then in Lenny’s bucket list. Dermot’s decision is different. He is running out of scapegoats and the if is to signal a cull of the deadwood and failures he has to spill blood of people he probably likes to share a round of golf with.
We will learn nothing tonight. The fun will be in the summer.
Monday 12th March
"We’ve got to tolerate, some of those people that you hate, I’m not in love with you, but I won’t hold that against you." Gruff Rhys, July 2001.
When I left Hampden on Saturday, I hated Neil Lennon. My seat had given me an unfortunate direct view of his touchline incompetence and reliance on John Park, a man I seem so obsessed with that I fully expect a restraining order.
After, I forced myself to look at the post-match comments, I saw a man that was hurting as much as us. He had watched a team of court jesters just blow his credibility out the water and, like us, fancied telling them some home truths.
"We were no-where near it today. There are things you can give the players – information, tactics – but there are things you can’t give them – hunger and desire, and we were found wanting." I would hope those words hurt the squad but I fear that they wouldn’t break stride from their play stations.
How we miss Barry Robson and Gary Caldwell.
"There is something missing. There is no leadership, there is nobody to take the game by the scruff of the neck when we are not playing well. We have been soft all season. We have got strikers who don’t score goals, who don’t want to go in there and get hurt. " Again, this will wash over Sammy and Fortune while they download some Grime and Bhangra onto their iPhones.
When asked about whether there should be a clear out he said: "I would imagine so. I would be recommending it." meaning another summer of wild speculation while frolicking in our paddling pools.
"If I’m not here, I’m pretty certain that some of them won’t be either" he finished completing a salvage job worthy of Scrapheap Challenge.
If my view hadn’t shifted from disgust via mild dislike to och-it-wasn’t-really-your-fault then this report from the "Car Park Rammie", for me, sets out the winners and losers in County-Gate and lays bare who will have a future at our club.
Though, shouting abuse, in a car park, is so retro and 90′s. That car park has been an indicator to the mood of the club for years. Nostalgia is lost with every re-tarring.
So, Lenny, despite his post match performance has lost any chance of getting the gig on a permanent basis. It’s with that heavy heart, a sift through the grim-reading list and a few scribbles on a beer-mat, on Saturday night after more than a few bevvies I have come up with my bucket list.
David Moyes, Roy Hodgeson, Steve McLaren, Steve Clarke, Stale Solbakken, Laszlo Boloni, Mircea Lucescu, Giovanni Trappatoni, Rene Girard and Mark Hughes.
Start at the top and work down.
